* – “I can deal with sick chants – I just block them out,” insists Wenger. We all know how he suffers from selective blindess, never seeing any of his players committing fouls during matches. Well, I guess he has more than one disability.
* – Sir Alex Ferguson’s statue is to be unveiled outside Old Trafford later this month. They will never be able to do justice to the man unless they find some way to get a statue to chew gum.
* – Tom Huddlestone is extremely disappointed by the way Tottenham Hotspur lost at home to Wigan. Is that why his hair is standing up the way it is?
* – Barcelona medical chief Cugat says that David Villa could’ve lost his leg over a period of time pertaining to the injury he sustained. Play him against Stoke and the job will be done in well under 90 minutes.
* – Ronaldo is planning to vote for himself for this year’s Ballon d’Or awards. I think he is taking the ‘the whole world is against me’ thing a tad too seriously.
* – Chelsea stars fear a backlash from referees over their race abuse claims against Mark Clattenburg. Reliable sources claim that Jon Obi Mikel will be the first victim of the ref rage. He will receive his red card via mail on Friday, earning him a suspension for the clash against Liverpool.
* – An angry Mancini has demanded ‘respect’ ahead of the must-win Ajax game. He better get on the phone with his Arab bosses and clarify before they send their scouts with an open chequebook thinking ‘Respect’ is a 17-year-old prospect from Nigeria.
* – Sister of Brazil striker Hulk was kidnapped at gunpoint just weeks after he completed his £32million transfer to Zenit. I wouldn’t be surprised if Hulk’s family receive a letter from the kidnappers titled ‘Sign for PSG or else’ in exchange for her release.
This piece made its first appearance here – http://www.fansonstands.com/