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Due to reasons non-technical and inexplicable, the couch hooligan was forced to budge from his abode and drag his large posterior across state borders. After the hesitant journey, the hooligan is back on the couch. The crap flinging is about to recommence. After an educated guess, I’ve decided to begin my search at Wastelands, home to the richest club in the world – Manchester City. And as usual, they don’t end up disappointing me.
The Bad Apple
He hit the targets with a striker’s ruthlessness – just ask the junior players who faced his barrage of darts. He did the blue shirt proud – especially the ones with captions on them that that the PR team came up with. And to sign it off, he set the city of Manchester on fire – mostly through performances in hotel bathrooms. The genuine firebrand of English football since David Bellion is finally going back to where it all began. Only a couple of weeks after branding Balotelli the ‘bad apple,’ Berlusconi has performed a u-turn so spectacular by taking him back to Milan, it is said to have sent Valentino Rossi into rethinking his career options. We wish you all the best, Italian firemen.
Les Miracles
The English FA has slapped a fine of 30k on Sir Alex Ferguson based on the charges of misconduct placed on him. This strange decision by the authorities could mean a few things –
1) ‘Pay a fine’ is an item on Fergie’s bucket list
2) The new stenographer is a Martian and is alien to English football.
3) An Arab, a Russian and Arsene Wenger walk into the office of the English FA…
In other new, the referee who made registered the formal complaint has been missing since. A reliable source claims that he is locked up somewhere in Scotland. In a castle. Guarded by dragons. Serving Fergie time.
The Fall Guy
Much has been made about Didier Drogba’s prospective transfer from Shanghai Shenhua to Galatasary. While the Ivorian’s camp suggests a lack of competition as the reason behind this Anelka-ishly quick rebound, a set of doubters have drawn out another theory. According to them, it is the state of pitches in China that has triggered this move. Drogba is said to be fed up of the grassless patches on football fields across China. This, sources close to him claim, robs him of exercising the most potent weapon in his armory – clutching his face and falling down as if he has been punched by a molested rhino. And leaves the Drog with no other go but to go. Grass, therefore we can assume, is greener in Turkey.
A tribute to Liverpool vs Arsenal – If I were
If I were Theo, I’d find me another club and if I were Suarez, I’d go to Guardiola’s hub. If I were Carragher, I’d never stand in a defensive wall and if I were Sturridge, I’d shoot less and I’d pass the ball. If I were Lucas, I’d disown my Brazilian passport. If I were Glen Johnson, I’d join Arsenal and replace Walcott. If I were Henderson, I’d cherish that rare goal. If I were Cazorla, I’d want to see more of that ball.
Bale me out
Receiving the ball in his own half, Gareth Bale ran past almost all of the Norwich team, a disappointed Arsene Wenger for having not signed him when was still in Daddy Bale’s scrotum, a hundred scouts from PSG, and fired in a scorcher past a hapless goalkeeper. The message was loud and clear – “Way, Jose?”
FYI, this article made its first appearance on http://www.fansonstands.com.
